Work well with a friend. He will understand and forgive the mistake, support and help if something does not work out. But what if a friend is our subordinate? Is it possible to divide personal and working relations?
Disputed privileges
“When discussing the issue of subordination, we should talk about adequate building borders in relations, workers or friendly,” says psychologist Marina Baburina. Friendly relations suggest closer communication, discussion of personal topics and dedication of another in the details of their life.
The danger in working with loved ones arises in those moments when we feel a special attitude: “I am not just a colleague, I am a friend”. According to the psychologist, in this position there are also their advantages: “I know a person better and I can feel calmer, more stable in any position, both the boss and subordinates”.
On the other hand, there are also disadvantages: “If I’m lazy, I will wait for me to be forgiven. I will hope for a special position, condescension, concessions and concessions “.
To avoid difficult situations, it is important to immediately discuss clear boundaries between working relations and friendship, explains Marina Baburina. If you are the boss, it is worth saying: “I appreciate you as a friend, but this is work, and I will demand from you the same way as from everyone else”.
If, on the contrary, you are a subordinate, then the wording may be this: “You are a leader, and I am ready for exactingness, control in matters of readiness and quality of the task I perform”.
“Regardless of the position, whether it is“ we are colleagues-friend ”,“ I am a boss ”or“ friend is my boss ”, it is necessary to clearly stipulate the boundaries of personal relations and workers. Otherwise, blurry relationships in any case will affect both friendship and workspace, ”the expert says.
Strong friendship will not break?
“It is more important to build not even the boundaries, but the dialogue. I will quote Theodore Roosevelt: “The most important formula of success is knowledge of how to treat people,” said psychologist Svetlana Bokach. – In my practice there were very few people who clearly know how to distinguish between working and friendly relations or combine friendship with work. A lot depends on the personality of the person “.
How in general the business can affect friendship? He will either destroy it – it is possible that the business itself is with it – or will strengthen. It depends on how much people can build a constructive dialogue, hear each other, in the correct form to express their emotions and feelings, share responsibility, accept each other’s characteristics and come to a compromise, the psychologist explains.
Is it worth mixing work and friendship? According to Svetlana Bokach, there is no only right decision here. Everyone who is faced with this issue should be chosen independently, given the features – both their own and friend.
If the answer is positive, then it is necessary to take into account the possible consequences, build the structure of the relationship. And it is important to do this “on the shore” before you have to – and sooner or later it will happen – a difficult situation. Even if it seems to you that you and your friend think exactly the same.
Conflict situations
How friendship complicates joint work? For example, in conflict situations, it can prevent it from correctly separating emotions, seeing an exclusively subordinate in front of herself and convey information at the “leader – subordinate” level, not mixing anything personal to communicate with him. Here, too, “transition to personality” is possible.
Or because of the versatility and complexity of the relationship, the boss will not be able to express his discontent, professional criticism in a timely manner, resentments will eventually accumulate. In the end, when all this comes out, there is a great risk of losing a relationship.
“Also, the influence of power on a person, which may not affect the most favorable way on friendly communication, should not be excluded. After work, it can be difficult to switch from the role of the boss to the role of a friend, as well as at work – from the role of a friend to the role of a boss, ”the psychologist explains.
You are a boss, friend is a subordinate
“Friendship in such a situation can both help strengthen relationships and prevent,” explains Svetlana Bokach. – Relations can become more sincere, understanding and support will become more, and this is a powerful resource.
But there are risks: you can at some point, without even noticing this, start to highlight your friend-subordinate against other employees. This will cause discontent from the other subordinates. Or you will begin to abuse friendship and load a friend with super -assault. Of course, he can refuse and even have to do it. But then, probably, you will be offended by him – after all, he, your friend, did not go to meet. “.
This is true in the opposite direction: when a friend begins to use close relations with the boss in his favor. This will entail a violation of subordination in the whole team, if a friend is not the only subordinate, and provoke conflicts with a possible “transition to personality”, the psychologist claims.
If you are in equal positions
If you and your friend are colleagues, then you cannot exclude rivalry between you. Or if you are a boss, then your friend may dream of taking your place.
In any case, before starting to work together, you need to weigh the pros and cons and to evaluate how much you both are able to negotiate, accept criticism and be responsible for your working duties, without relying on a special relationship.